My life as a godless heathen!

I'm an atheist. That isn't too hard to write. For a long time, it wasn't too hard to be one, either. I did it quietly. Very quietly. But, then again, no one asked much, either. In fact, they still don't.

But, the other day, my wife came home from a "girls night" with her aunts and cousins. They're a chatty bunch, and somehow the conversation came round to just that question -- what do you believe? I think with some egging on from her sassy older sister, my wife had no fear sharing with the other ladies that she, too, is an atheist.

Her mother was slightly aghast. A couple of her aunts just seemed amazed and ask some basic, earnest questions like "So what do you think happens when you die?" My wife replied, "Nothing. That's it." My impression? They either never had "met" someone like that, or never considered the idea much at all.

Somewhere along the line of questioning, my wife earned a wink and a nudge from another one of the ladies. The biggest shock of the situation seemed to be the ladies' realization that our two children aren't baptized, but there wasn't any fight. Just a little tut-tutting, maybe.

And that was that. I'm sure it's still bothering my mother-in-law some. For one, I hear she was much relieved to know that the sassy sister-in-law is "just" an agnostic, and might still believe in something.

All told, it was a low-drama coming out event. Considering the cast, no strangers to family dramas, that's a pretty good outcome.

Then there's my side of the family. It's a great family. Nothing to complain about. We get along. Pretty typical Midwest, middle class stuff. If they knew I was an atheist (some probably realize already), my hunch is that wouldn't change much. If anything, it'd make them act weird about it -- say, worrying about what I think at Christmas (we celebrate it pretty normally), or praying at a Sunday dinner at mom's.

My brother-in-law became a Methodist minister a few years ago, and my sister is very active in the church, along with their kids. He baptized many of my nieces and nephews. I've known them forever. Me and the brother-in-law, along with my brothers and dad, still joke around with jokes that'd make most ministers blush. My sister's very caring. It's all very pleasant.

Of course, it also means the level of religious observances ratchets up, doesn't it? Every summer, my sister tries to recruit my kids for a church camp she's been active with for years (in fact, that's where she met the minister brother-in-law). It's about the only awkward moment of prosetylization my wife and I deal with, aside from the occasional Bible school invites our children get from well-meaning friends (which is to say friends' moms, of course). My line these days is a polite decline, maybe an excuse that my daughter has plans for another camp, which is true. What I'm afraid to say is "That's not the right thing for our kids, and I don't think the preaching that goes on at those events is right for such young minds."

My wife is braver about these things than me. I think she's had fewer odd ball religious encounters than me, too, but she's still braver and more honest. I know it bothers her. Not the atheism -- not much chance she'll change there, I think. I mean the fear bothers her. She probably doesn't think of it in those terms -- that it's fear keeping us from making friends like our church-going neighbors do. We talk about it -- that our beliefs and values contribute to a shallower pool of social contacts. We're conscious of this, and she watches acquaintances share strong relationships largely because they met at church and participate in events together. We know our children will have less social activity and cultural know-how than I did growing up going to church on Sundays and taking part in youth group events.

The other day, she decided to do something about that. She went to an introductory meeting with the local free-thinkers and atheists group. And, I ranted like an idiot about how that didn't seem like the right solution, and that defining oneself by lack of belief in something seemed an odd thing to do.

But, I'm glad she went. I'm glad even if she never goes again. Like I said, she's braver than I am, and I'm happy about that. In less than a month, my wife did more than I've done in a lifetime in regards to our shared values.

So, it got me thinking. And, I realized a few things.

For one, I've never really done a good job explaining -- even to myself -- just why it is I'm an atheist. I really need to do that. This is a good space to do it in.

Second, there really is danger out there for openly atheist people. Families disintegrate over this stuff. People get harassed or threatened. But that's far from my front door, or even my family's. Why am I hiding? For safety's sake? For shame? These are terrible reasons.

And, finally, I might actually find some friends out there in the wide world. Maybe they're even nearby.

So, I don't believe in any god. I don't believe morality comes from god or the Bible or supernatural sources, but it does come from the good behaviors and minds of human beings. There is no life after death, and this is nothing to fear. Prayer doesn't work, but good thoughts certainly are nice. I have no supernatural soul. I am not born tarnished and in need of redemption. All things don't happen for a reason. I'll never see loved ones who've died before me again. I have memories of them, though, and I love that. I may lose those memories someday, and that's just ok, too. Sometimes life is improbably sublime, sometimes it's not.

Right now, thinking about a new year ahead, life's pretty good.