Understanding stories

When I went to college, I went hoping to be a novelist. I left hoping to find a job as a journalist. Somewhere in between I pursued creative writing academically, and managed to take a few superb classes all while taking other classes on literature.

I left with a solid education. I knew next to nothing about stories.

When I look back at the last time I actually did creative writing, I cringe at how awful my understanding of stories was. This past week, I've been skimming through some of the books I bought for creative writing classes. I'm amazed at how differently I read them now.

Then, it was practically a cargo cult mentality -- I nodded when writers wrote about stories being character driven. Then, I'd go try to mimic stories by creating allegorical symbols and the most transparent characters one can imagine.

I would create plots, sometimes elaborate ones, and fail to see that anything I wrote like that was either caricature or motionless prattle.

I was obsessed with prose. I conflated good writing with good prose, and had no idea what a writer actually does, and more importantly what a writer actually says.

Now, years later, I do have a much better understanding of what stories are, how they work, and how to create them. I learned it, oddly enough, in another obscure medium. I hope in ten years I'll look back on now in amazement how foolish I was writing this very entry.

The trouble now is that the more I learn, the less certain I am of my ability as a writer. It's the usual nonsense writers allow to trespass in their brains so they can prevent themselves from writing.